Piece of cake.

Back in December, I dragged my sister and her two girls along with me to Walmart for the midnight release of Eclipse. And, dang, ol' Walmart sure knew how to throw a party. Well, you know, for Walmart. In Utah. But they had cake! And cake makes everything better. Even if they did say no when I asked for Edward's face. Jerks.

My process.

I bought a notebook for, you know, The Novel. Which was a totally genius idea, even though it wasn't mine and a part of me worried that I was only buying it to feel cool and that I'd be wasting the ninety-eight cents.

It has come in very handy. Like, at three a.m. when that perfect idea struck and I was able to reach over, grab said notebook and begin scribbling furiously before I lost my train of thought. Now, to decipher my illegible midnight handwriting...

I have very basic ideas right now. Boy and girl meet. Boy and girl fall in luuuuv. Boy and girl are separated by tragedy and/or conflict. Boy and girl realize the error of their ways. Boy and girl live happily ever after. See? I told you. Basic.

Okay, I'd be lying if I said I didn't have anymore details than that. I do. I have an impression of my two main characters. I can see Her incredibly clearly. He, on the other hand, is taking a while longer to show Himself. I have a very rough timeline drafted out and I'm filling in the details as they come.

Certain how's and why's are giving me pause. Like, sure, I know I want them to get from point A to point B and then from point B to C... but why? How? What are their reasons?

Save for a few paragraphs that came tumbling out of me a couple days ago, I'm not writing. I'm scribbling. In my notebook. Notes and ideas and a whole lot of question marks. And then more notes. And sometimes I doodle and stare out the window while sitting at Starbucks. It's all part of the magic... I think.

If the world ends before 2022, I'll be pissed.

I receive mail at two different locations and I live at neither. So, I've come up with a really effective system for keeping track of important documents, bills, etc. It's pretty simple, too.

1. Dump everything into an old Wet Seal bag that you've been carrying in your car since last April.

2. Let it sit (and this here's the tricky part) just until you reach that point when your gut kind of clenches in anxiety at the thought of finally going through it all.

3. Sort through the contents of said bag only when it's bulging at the seams and you're unable to carry the weight of it on your pinky finger.

I'm nothing if not totally efficient.

Truth? What mail I do receive consists of nothing but credit card offers and bank statements. (Although, tonight I did find a check for $28 bucks. From December. Whoops.)

The envelope above? I wrote a letter to myself when I was, I dunno, 14? 15? And if the thickness of said letter is any indication, I had a lot to say. I'll be 40 in 2022. Only 11 more years to go! (No, seriously, I love this shit.)

I had lost sight of the letter for a little while, but I always assumed it was somewhere safe and I'd find it eventually... Turns out I keep it with all the other envelopes I don't open. Makes sense, right?

How to start a novel.

1. Go somewhere quiet. Like, the library!

2. Check your e-mail, Facebook, and Twitter. Just to get those out of the way.

3. Open a word processor of your choice.

4. Stare at blank page for precisely six minutes.

5. Stare off into space for another two.

6. Notice how the woman a table away apparently has no problem getting her brain functioning if the rapid motion of her fingers across her keyboard is any indication.

7. Contemplate your hair. Notice split ends. Count back to last haircut. Wait, it’s been A YEAR ALREADY?

8. Place hands over your keyboard because maybe if you go through the motion, the words will come.

9. Stare at fingers hovering over the keys; swear to quit biting fingernails.

10. Regret not going to Starbucks.

11. Slump back in chair; think about how quiet the library actually is.

12. So quiet, you may have to do serious bodily harm to the man reading the newspaper. I mean, really, does he have to turn pages quite that loudly?

13. Debate putting headphones in. Decide angry rap music probably won’t help.

14. Realize you have to use the restroom.

15. Spend eight minutes looking for the restroom. Contemplate asking an employee, but decide against it ‘cause that’d be too easy.

16. Browse the endless aisles of books on your way back to your table. Wonder if your masterpiece will ever grace the shelves. Think, not at this rate.

17. Sit back down.

18. Repeat steps 2 - 14.

19. Finally realize you still haven’t written a word; refuse to feel at all defeated. After all, it’s only the first day!

20. Pack up and head to Starbucks for much deserved latte.

21. Write new blog post.

One of those days.

Written earlier this afternoon...

I love this day. It kind of took me by surprise. It's warm, the sun shining. I'm sitting on the patio at Starbucks with a perfectly made latte to my right. I’m wearing my favorite jeans. The ones that somehow manage to have a (much needed) slimming effect while not crushing my internal organs at the same time. I am, in a word, comfortable. I’m not obsessing over anything or struggling to make (or accept) a decision. I’m not even tweaking over the appearance of my blog. (Can I get a hallelujah?) Maybe if I sit here much longer, I’ll have a need for the sweatshirt I brought along, but right now I’m enjoying the sun and the breeze and the amazing southern California weather that is responsible for our sky high house prices and congested freeways. Only adding to the perfect is the fact that someone chose to put Mumford & Sons on the sound system. I have a real thing for them lately. (I did mention how attractive I find Marcus Mumford, right? Just checking.) I wouldn’t go so far as to say I feel peaceful, but it’s the closest I’ve felt in a long time. Maybe this beautiful day, this sense of almost peace, is a sign that normal isn't too far off.

Easter candy and stuff.

First, I would like a different table. This table just... doesn't. Not for photographs, anyway.

Second, I've realized that when it comes to food photography, I prefer natural light and for my subject to be backlit. So, yeah, I pretty much wish I could go back and re-photograph everything I've ever baked and blogged about.

Third, I feel like an ass using words like "photography" and "subject."

Fourth, I think Easter has the best holiday candy.

Last, I am not a fan of the color orange.

Now, what do you think? Should I have gone with the photo I chose (above)... or should I have chosen this closer-upper photo?



I hate making decisions.

If my inconsistent posting is any indication, I'm already a failure.

I want to write a novel. A romance novel, naturally. But there's a part of me that feels like an asshole for even thinking I could do so. I mean, what do I know about romance? And who am I to presume I know what people want to read? And, let's face it, in my current frame of mind it'd probably have a less-than-happy ending. Someone would get hit by a bus. Everybody would hate the book. I'd be a miserable failure. Come to think of it, I wouldn't be able to take the criticism. Ah, what the hell. Might as well try. I should probably brush up on my grammar.

March on the wrong foot.

This inability to chill the fuck out is starting to scare even me. I can't seem to let anything go. Like, at all. And it's not just this goshdarned blog. (Now you know the one obscenity I try to stay away from.) It's every little insignificant thing in my life that requires me to make any sort of decision. NO MATTER HOW MINOR.

It's why my blog changes appearances more often than I do. It's why, rather than make a decision, I bought FOUR DIFFERENT KINDS of Easter candy. It's why, when asked to make a display at work, I made it three effing times. 'Cause it was never quite perfect. And I could do better. And if I didn’t, it’d be a terrible reflection on me as a person!

I've always been a perfectionist. In high school, I would rewrite my notes. I used to make my bed just before I got in it. But this... this is a different beast entirely.

In other news: I've made two vows to myself. First, to stay away from that stupid fucking "design" button on my blog. And, second, to post everyday during the month of March. Obviously, I'm setting myself up for failure but WHAT ELSE IS NEW?

In other other news, I recently took a mandatory health assessment. When finished, it gave me a list of things to work on to improve my overall health. What was at the top of the list, highlighted in a lot of ugly red? Stress management.