Tuesday, January 25, 2011


I have a crush on a boy I work with.
He’s my age. Which means he’s too immature to date.
And clueless as only a 20-something guy can be.

I’ve had crushes in the past.
I was married, not dead.
And they were harmless.

They never lasted long.
A few days of innocent, friendly flirtation.
They never failed to make me appreciate my husband that much more.

Because I feel the need, I'm going to reiterate.
With my husband, I was happy.
Things were (usually) good.
I loved.

Getting over a stupid, meaningless crush made me realize
how happy I was
to be with someone who knew me
and loved me, too.

When this most recent crush developed, it was exciting.
I thought, this is what it could be like.
Exciting. Flirtatious. Fun.
I’ll meet a new someone.
A someone who likes what I like.

Now, just like before, the crush is fading.
I never expected it to go beyond that.
Hell, I realize just about every day that I’m not ready to date.
But now, along with the crush, the excitement is gone.
And so is the hopeful optimism.

And, for crying out loud, I’m sad again.
I think the crush made me feel as though I was moving on.
And now, not only is the crush over, but I’m still alone.
And I can’t go home to my husband.
And nothing feels right.


  1. Awwww Stephanie...my heart broke for you when I read this today. You are probably tired of hearing everyone say it will get better...wish I had the magic words to make things right.

  2. Dude.Call me dr.oceandoggy- kinda like Dr. Phil, only lots less qualified.I don't know much, but I think you gotta stop holding everything up to the prismatic picture window of your tender memories.Hate to say it but if stuff is moving on- it's movin' on.So why not take things at face value and love the crush and revel in the freshness of it, knowing it might only be what it is?Date and hang out and maybe hook up.It could be fun? Right?

  3. Stephanie HarshJanuary 26, 2011

    Rory, I just figured it out. I'm like a wall that you keep banging your head against. It's no wonder it keeps exploding.

  4. I KNOW, RIGHT?But don't worry, I'm not gonna stop.