Saturday, July 9, 2011

The one that actually has nothing to do with my husband.

Just when I think I'm doing all right, I'm happy, everything's good... I do something to remind myself of just how fucked up I actually am. That doesn't mean the former isn't true. I am doing all right, I am happy, everything is good. But sometimes I just wish I wasn't so effing nuts. Or that I'd finally seek counseling. Like I know I should have done a long ass time ago. (Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know.)

So, I started a new blog. (I may have mentioned it once or twice.) My friend Z and I started it. It's a book blog and it's great! No, seriously, it is! I love it! I've found myself thinking, why didn't I start blogging about books sooner?!

So, what's the problem, you ask? ('Cause, of course, there has to be a problem.)

Well, peeps, my inner control freak is having a major anxiety attack and I don't know how to beat it into submission.

And it isn't her. Z is great. Better than! No, It's all me. Bringing this on myself. (Like I do.) But the loss of control... not being able to make decisions on my own, not being able to change things on a whim, having to ask someone else before I do anything... it's making my hair itch.

I was telling my sister about this last night and she just looked at me and said, "And this is a surprise to you?" It shouldn't be! I know (knew) I'm a control freak! But but but I just thought... I love Z (she's my favorite person!) and I love books and I love to blog... this should be easy!

It's not. At least, not for me. And I'm afraid that I'm going to let the anxiety and control-freak-ish-ness overwhelm me and I'll give into doing something that I'll regret.

Tell me what to do! Tell me how to be normal! How do I shut the control freak up?! Help!


  1. Sorry....I don't think you you need to make friends with her ~ and probably introduce her to Z.

  2. kerryanneJuly 11, 2011

    Try and let the control freak monster know that there are bigger and badder things in the world to worry about. Might be a hard sell, but give it a shot. Good luck.

  3. Dude.
    There is no controlling the control freak. You can dress it up, pat it's little cheeks and give it candy, but it's STILL the control freak.
    Submit, baby.