Wednesday, September 30, 2009

My face requests your assistance.

I don't wear makeup. There, I said it. Other than a teeny-tiny bit of foundation to even skin tones or cover the occasional blemish, I do not. wear. makeup.

Don't get me wrong. This is not some dramatic life choice. I have nothing against people who wear makeup and, in fact, I'm a little envious of women who can apply it so flawlessly. I am especially jealous of that perfect smokey eye.

But, as I grew up, cosmetics were never a hot topic for me. Maybe it would have kicked in sometime during high school, but I was in and out until I finally made my escape at sixteen. Skip ahead a couple years and I met The Husband. Makeup isn't on his list of priorities, either.

In fact, the few times I've had my face professionally decorated for various events, he always looks at me as if I've sprouted a second head. The toad.

So, maybe blush and eyeshadow aren't things that I really need to worry about, but I gotta say, I'm tired of feeling like the odd man out when standing amidst a group of women who get into very heated discussions about the appropriate application of makeup before leaving the house each day.

This is what I look like... every... day...



(Well, not quite like this. It's a real-time photo, peeps. I'm sitting in a dark dining room with one fluorescent light casting harsh shadows from the kitchen. I did what I could with it.)



But you get the gist of it. No eyeshadow, mascara, or eyeliner. When I've tried in the past, it's made my eyes look darker and even more possessed. I'm starting to worry that they're just too dark, my lashes too long, to handle any kind of eye makeup.



I don't know if I'd want any color on my cheeks. Apparently I blush easily. Which is odd 'cause I don't often feel embarrassed. And then people tease me and point and shout , "Ooooh, you're BLUUUSHING!!" I usually find myself looking back at them as if they sprouted a second head.



Lipstick. I can't help it. I think why bother? It's just going to come off. And rather quickly, I believe, as I'm a terrible lip-chewer. I'd rather just stick with lip gloss and chap stick. Those I have in abundance. Seriously. It's a problem. Go through my purse at any given time and you'll find at least eleven. My favorite is the Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough flavored lip balm I picked up in Vermont two years ago. Although, most of the time I open it just to sniff it.



When I was in Palm Springs two weekends ago, I was chatting with a friend during one of the softball games. She's one of those genuinely nice people and, after talking to her, I always think I should surround myself with more people like her. Then the next sarcastic comment flies out of my mouth and the moment passes.

She was playing catcher and flirting with the umpire when he asked her out to dinner. She's telling me this and we're both pointing and giggling over how cute he is and she says, "But I really didn't want to worry about doing my makeup tonight." She sighed rather dramatically and I wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her.

So, don't do it!, I wanted to shout, but even though I never received my copy of the Official Cosmetic Rule Book, I know that most women feel the same way: makeup is necessary. And saying otherwise would make me seem like a fresh-off-the-farm country bumpkin.

Sadly, my idea of getting dressed up before leaving the house is BRUSHING MY HAIR.

I need help, otherwise I may end up leaving the house looking... like this...

21 comments:

  1. Most women don't need to wear make-up and you are one of the lucky ones. You are the envy of many, many women :) It's true, you're beautiful without make-up and therefore you don't need it.However if you want you could apply a little brown/bronze eyeshadow or use lengthening mascara. But you should just wear what makes you feel comfortable. So don't let go of your lip gloss and chap stick :)

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  2. I wear so little makeup...lipstick and the smallest amount of blush. The lipstick I get is the kind from covergirl that lasts a long time, assuming I don't bite it off. I also keep a regular lipstick in my bag, so that if I have to meet my in laws for dinner after work, I can appear as though I care about lipstick the same way my MIL does. I've tried going to makeup counters to no avail, I never really like the results. My mom has the same skin tones as I do, so I was able to get her help with what color lipstick to get and what shade blush. Otherwise I'd end up like that last photo of yours. which is totally reminiscent of the Drew Carry show lady...I forget her name.

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  3. Natural beauty is far better than made up beauty....seriously. You have a beautiful face and eyes to die for! I have very long, very blond eyelashes.....if I don't wear mascara on them, it looks as if I have none....it is kind of creepy looking. I only wear it when I go out so I don't frighten small children. :) Not everyone needs makeup....and just think of all the bucks you are saving. The stuff is not cheap!

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  4. I'm just going to come out and say, You are lucky! I have awful dark circles and lately seem even more pronounced for obvious reasons and applying under eye concealer and foundation and then eye makeup to make my eyes "pop" and , and , and. Think how much money you are saving by not purchasing ungodly amounts of make up. Think of the new lens you could buy with that moola. LOL!

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  5. bwwaahahaha I love that you photoshoped crazy makeup on! I must admit I'm one of those "makeup girls". When I don't wear it people ask me "omg whats wrong? are you sick? you don't look so well." They dont realize i'm not wearing makeup they just think omg she looks like shit! But I wish I was like you!!! You dont need makeup! you are so beautiful without it!!! and shut up about your crazy eye. I seriously can't notice it. Even if you put arrows pointing out that its there!! and OH MY GOD I WANT YOUR LASHES!!! I have very straight hair. and my eyelashes? they refuse to curl... They look straight down and its gross. But I can relate to you on the chapstick thing. I never wear lipstick. I am OBSESSED with carmex brand chapstick. I can't do anything without it. You know how you're crazy about making sure the doors are locked and you have a knife by your bed before you go to sleep? well I'm like that about having my chapstick near me. hahahaok i'll stop blabbing now... OH YA p.s. Cute shirt!!!-L

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  6. You don't need makeup! You are beautiful without it! I'm guessing that the women around you wish they looked like you without makeup! (I feel like I'm shouting with all these exclamation points.) I don't wear much, usually just some eyeliner. One time when I was 16 my cousin and I went to a department store makeup counter and the woman there did my makeup. I felt ridiculous! She went all out. I wiped it off once we were out of view of her. Oh, and I couldn't live without chapstick. If I had a disaster kit, that would be one of the first things in there!

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  7. You are lovely just the way you are. I try to wear a little foundation but lately I can't even bother with moisturizer and lipstick. You have eyes to die for.

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  8. I come from a makeup/skin care mother. Seriously, my mother could open a Lancome, Clinique, Aveeno counter in her bathroom. She has EVERY.THING. When my mother travels, her makeup gets a suitcase of its own.I rebelled. I wear makeup to cover up my sunspots (I ignored mama's advice about sunscreen) and dark circles. All my makeup fits in one tiny cosmetic bag. If I had your complexion, I would throw the whole lot of it out. Be thankful baby!BTW, how do you get that perfect arch on your eyebrows?

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  9. Damn you, you're beautiful naked! Er, with a naked face, that is...Anyway...I wear eyeshadow, mascara, concealer (or else I look like a chemo patient), and blush. No lipstick, no foundation - I cannot tolerate the way they feel. I use Vaseline (yes, Vaseline...I was once dissed on a blog for this fact) on my lips but for some reason it doesn't feel occlusive like lipstick does.I definitely go for a minimalist look, makeup-wise, but I think that people who never wear makeup look generally better all of the time than those of us who do wear it. It's like our faces get lazy and don't work at looking good since they know we'll cover them up.

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  10. Although we look completely different, it is my assessment that you suffer from the same pale-girl issue I do: it's way too easy to overload on make-up. You've gotta be careful with our corpse-like pallor (um, I mean porcelain skin) lest you start looking like you belong in a John Water's movie. So you probably do look better without visible make-up. I generally do.Sadly, I also have a small child and I'm much older than you so my youthful glow has waned. I use under-eye concealer (you don't need it), just a touch of brown eye shadow (try it and see if you like it), mascara (you may not need it), and--this is key--tinted lip gloss. I myself am wedded to Alba Botanica's Terra Tints, but there's a zillion other varieties. Easier and lighter than lipstick, more subtle when it wears away, and as easy to put on as Chapstick, yet makes you look like you bothered. If you want to bother. (You don't really need to bother.)

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  11. srsly, if i had your lashes... some women don't require any kind of makeup. i've been told that i look like i don't have any make up on even when i have an assload. either i look like shit sans/with OR i am capable of putting it on naturally. think of the money you're saving from not having to buy all the makeup, cleanser and primping stuff.

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  12. I am agreeing with everyone else, no makeup needed. You don't want to end up looking like one of those little old ladies who overdo the blush and have lipstick outside the lines of their lips. Don't get me wrong, they are cute...but not.

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  13. As your sister I must tell you that you DO NOT need make-up. You have great coloring and make up will take away from that. (I know, I'm shutting up)About once a year I start feel ugly and in a rut. I go to a store and buy about $50 worth of make-up, determined to start wearing it. I get home and put it on a. For about 2 seconds I feel pretty and then I realize that I hate putting it on (The Hubby also looks at me like I have sprouted a second head.) I hate the way it feels on my face. I have since decided that new clothes work for my self esteem way more than make-up. That's my advice: Buy a new outfit and feel hot in it.

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  14. Whoa.That's too weird. I don't wear any makeup EITHER.

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  15. Ah my dear I am so right there with ya. I don't wear it either, mostly because I still haven't a clue how to apply it. Every once in awhile I'll buy some because I feel old and I know I should consider figuring it out. I have a ton of untouched make up. And the brushes. It's lovely and I know it'd look good on. But then I'd end up looking like that one doctored up pic of yours because you know, it's application is one of those talents I just do not possess. Don't worry about it, your eyes are lovely and you don't need any.

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  16. I disagree with Alias Mother. You don't have porcelain skin. You already have vivid coloring. Make-up would just add to it and make you look like you were getting ready for your part in a play or a movie or something. I don't wear make-up either, and I'm 99 years old. It's something about the coloring in our family that make-up doesn't look right on us.-your mom

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  17. just blog browsing and found yours... thanks for the early morning laugh.. and I got a crazy eye too so I totally hear ya girl :)miaLove the blog title too :)

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  18. You look gorgeous without make up! Love your eyes and lashes!

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  19. Brushing my hair doesn't count as getting dolled up? WHAT?!Yeah, I don't wear make-up either. In fact, I have worn make-up to: my senior Prom, my high school graduation, and my wedding.And the only make-up I used for any of those was flesh-colored eye shadow, just to hide my freaky eyelid veins. Does that even count?

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  20. Everyone's already said it, and I will repeat: you don't need makeup. You are beautiful the way you are. I hardly ever wear the stuff as well. I'm not good at it AND, referring to lipstick, it's one of my biggest pet peeves when someone leaves evidence of theirs on glasses and napkins. This comes from when I was a bartender and actually had to clean off people's lipstick residue from glasses. This is disgusting, people! But I digress, have you ever tried Bare Minerals, Bare Escentuals, etc... When I do wear makeup, this is what I use and it is very easy to put on and looks very natural.

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  21. Geeze - with those eyebrows and eyelashes, I think one quick swipe of blush and you are good to go.P.S. I have a creepy eye, too. It's lower and smaller than the other...a LOT lower and smaller.My glasses always look crooked.

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