Tuesday, April 26, 2011

It's like I'm trying to sleep in and you're the asshole who keeps pounding on the door.

(And, by "asshole" I mean YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.)

Wow, peeps. At least we can all take comfort in the fact that I'm consistently inconsistent. Post every day (okay, fine, almost every day) for a month and then nothing for three... whoa, almost four weeks? I should practically win an award.

I'm not going to apologize for my absenteeism because, well, I really hate it when people apologize for their blogs and/or blogging behavior... But if you're still with me after eighteen blog moves and thirty-seven random disappearances? YOU should win an award.

I can sum up the last few weeks very quickly:

Work. A lot of really trashy romance novels. PMS. Cafe World. Repeat.

And that's where I've been.

Oh, and two nights out for drinks, during one of which my companion complained about our server and caused a big stink in T.G.I. Fridays. I don't even like T.G.I. Fridays. And now I really don't like them.

And here's how I feel about bad customer service:

I'm not going to let it affect my night.

In other words, if you're going to act like a bitch and then proceed to drop the check before I've ordered the other 6 drinks I was planning on, I AM NOT GOING TO LET THAT STOP ME. I will order those six drinks, one at a time, and make you bring me an updated check each time. But I'll still tip you more than I should because I'm a sucker. And I was a server once and I swore I would never do it again unless I was homeless. Even then, I'm not so sure.

In other news: I broke up with my husband. For good this time.

Divorce probably isn't something to joke or make light about, but this is how I'm dealing. Humor. Sarcasm. And a lot of bitching and whining. Like you couldn't tell.

I tried to be friends with him, despite knowing better. I let myself believe it was possible, that he wasn't expecting anything more. And then I realized that not only was I being an idiot, but I was bordering on cruel.

Now, my biggest battle is with my guilt. The poor bastard is floundering and feeling lost and even though I'm fairly certain the only reason he wants me back is because having me would make him feel less of a failure, let's get serious. Eventually, he will realize that this was for the best. There was a reason he sat me down for the "I don't want to be married anymore" talk early last year. And the year before that. Aaaand the year before that.

I just wish I could kick his ass and make him see that not all is lost. I understand that he's not where he thought he'd be nor where he wants to be at 40-years-old-come-June, BUT that doesn't mean you should bury your head in the sand and give up all hope.

It is so fucking frustrating to watch someone give up and not try.

And that's all I have to say about that. (For now.)


  1. 1) I'm thinking about dedicating an entire folder in my reader to your discarded blogs. Just for funsies.

    2) It's the hardest rule of relationships, isn't it? "You can't fix someone else." You can't. But, oh my god, isn't it annoying when you can see it so clearly, you know what the problem is, you know what they need to do to fix it, and they just won't. They just WON'T. I have so been there.

    You are doing the right thing.

  2. I'm not fond of servers who make me feel like I should be eating faster so I can leave faster. It bugs me...but like you, I do not let it affect my night...I eat slower and hang out to chat longer. But I also tip well so I don't feel bad about it.

    Funny you mention guilt when it comes to your divorce because that was one of the hardest things I had to overcome. Granted there was the guilt because of my girls....but I had more guilt over feeling bad for him because like your husband, he was flopping all around not knowing what to do because he never thought I would leave him. I got over it....you will too...entering a new level. It's different isn't it?

  3. Stephanieeeeeeeee.
    Sorry I kept pounding on your door. I didn't know you were trying to sleep in.
    Glad to have you back, but ASSHOLE?, really?
    Hey, apologize for nothing. You've gone through plenty. Grab any happiness by the horns and ride it, baby.
    You deserve it.

  4. No... I get to be the Asshole!! :)

  5. umm. ok. You're the asshole.
    Are we arm-wrestling?
    Can't we just hug it out and both be assholes?

  6. Trust me. You can both hold the title.

  7. Cool. So what'd we win?

  8. And aren't you glad we're pounding?
    I think maybe yes.

  9. Stephanie HarshApril 29, 2011

    Hm. Maybe.

  10. ChristineMay 04, 2011

    Or she may be hitting her head against the wall because she keeps telling us where to find her.

  11. Are you stuck again?
    Or are you still doing taxes?

  12. Oh I'm pretty sure she's hitting her head against the wall.
    But what do you mean about telling us where to find her?
    I'm fairly dense and need help with stuff like that.

  13. ChristineMay 05, 2011

    She keeps moving blogs and what not and telling us the new locations. That's all. :)

  14. I'm a very busy girl. With lots of trashy books to read.

  15. Oh right. I forgot.

  16. Oh right. I forgot.
    (see how I do that?)

  17. I think I'm just gonna give up and stop trying.

  18. Anne HealyMay 09, 2011

    What about me? I can be a pretty good asshole.

  19. Stephanie HarshMay 09, 2011

    You take the cake.

  20. I think my heart just broke. Again.

  21. Stephanie, baby, I was playing on your last post.
    I'm sorry.
    You KNOW you're stuck with me bugging you, right?

  22. Dude.
    Why'd you delete that post?
    You actually sounded happy and I was glad for you.
    What happened?