Saturday, January 23, 2010

A letter to Summit Entertainment, LLC.

Dear Summit,

I'm a big fan. Huge, actually.

I won't lie to you. In the beginning, you had me worried. Twilight was an abomination and I couldn't help but wonder if the monkey you so obviously hired to write the screenplay had even read the book.

But you more than made up for said blunder and proved yourself worthy with New Moon. Job very well done, my friend. And you're welcome. Those exorbitant ticket prices add up, especially when you've seen the movie as many times as I have.

Remember Me looks wonderful and I'm very much looking forward to it. I admit I've gone a bit gaga over Mr. Pattinson since it became clear that he does, in fact, know how to operate a comb. (And I forgive his Wolfman-esq appearance on the Hope for Haiti telethon since it was for a very, very good cause.)

Even more than Remember Me, I'm pee-my-pants excited for Eclipse. June 30th is quickly approaching and it's like a beacon in the distance, calling me home. You have no idea what I'd give for even the briefest glimpse of a trailer. Or for... oh, I don't know... a poster maybe?

You see, this poster has been floating around the internet for a while now:

I've been trying to convince myself that it was just a tease. Something someone put together to pacify us Twi-hards. (Or "Twi-retards" according to the bitch I work with. I'm not offended. I understand she's just feeling left out since she was never invited to join a certain book club. But she doesn't read. And she really is a bitch.)

But I digress. You see, today, while at the theater, I saw said poster hanging in a hallway, looking very... official.

Summit, please. Tell me something else is in the works. Tell me some big, beautiful poster of Edward is coming out soon. Edward, Bella... even Jacob! (But preferably Edward.)

Summit, I trust you. I have faith in you. I certainly don't want to have to resort to violence, that's for sure.

But I will. Oh, yes, I will. Gladly. Especially, if you don't get your act together, get rid of that piss-poor excuse for a poster, and give me some Edward, damn it.

I thank you for your hasty response in rectifying this matter.

Your friend and hopefully-not-enemy (if you catch my drift),


  1. I'm so glad I'm not the only one! (And what was UP with wolfman-Rob? Though I forgave him too just because I see him as Edward only and he can do NO wrong). :)

  2. tho his razor appears to be broken i would still lick.him.up.just for you: Appearance at Hope for Haiti

  3. Wow! I had no idea the next movie was coming out so soon after the last. It does seem like they should have some trailers out soon.

  4. I'm speechless...I have no idea what Twilight is.

  5. Wow....June 30th is not so far off. I bet you almost fainted when you saw the poster. :) I have to tell my daughters the good news.

  6. Okay - you have to send this. Promise me you will send this. I mean it. Send it and let's see what you get.

  7. I have never read the Twilight series. I saw the first movie for the first time last night. I thought about you the whole time. I think the girl that plays Bella kinda looks like you.

  8. Hahah you are so funny! I'm kind of worried for eclipse because I hear it's all about action, action and more action. I don't know why, does summit not know who their audience is supposed to be? Personally, I though New Moon was grander and more beautiful than Twilight, but I don't know if it was necessarily better. the relationship between B/E seemed sweeter in TWilight. Let's keep our fingers crossed for a teaser or trailer soon!