Monday, December 14, 2009

Flirting, continued. Because I’m much too interested in other people’slives. And romance novels.

This topic has been too fun to stop at just one post, so I hope you wonderfully brilliant and opinionated people will continue to humor me.

Allow me to provide some additional information.

This man has a live-in girlfriend and, while it would seem that he was being honorable, I'd have to say it wasn't exactly like that.

Keep in mind that I'm no mind reader (not like Edward, anyway) but I was there and I was following their behavior and conversation closely. (As closely as possible while still trying to have some of my own fun.)

He was seeking her out as much as, if not more than, she was him. There was clearly an attraction between the two and I’m only being realistic when I say it happens, even when you're married. (But, please please please, know better than to act upon it. I'm so sick and tired of cheaters.) In fact, when she wasn’t around, he was overheard asking about her. He was interested in her. It certainly wasn’t one-sided.

My impression of his "reminder" that she had a husband at home was not an honorable one. He was testing her to see how far she was willing to go and when he realized that it was going to end at some fun, casual flirting, he left.

That's when it became clear, to me at least, that it's not just about you or even your significant other. That fine line between what's appropriate and what isn't is also determined by how the person with whom you're flirting feels or behaves.

If she had realized that he was interested in more than a casual flirtation, she should have walked away. End of story. In that sense I do think she crossed a line. And, despite my opinion of him (he obviously wasn't taking his own girlfriend into consideration and therefore he's scum), I do sort of commend him for walking away when he realized that they weren't thinking on the same level.

These are just a few of the comments that made me wish we were all in one big room debating the topic. God, what fun.

"Light flirting is ok. As long as the marriage is a very solid one and neither the husband or wife have ANY insecurities. And that, of course, is a rare one." MichelleSG

But who knows? This may be a totally normal thing for her and something her husband wouldn't think twice about. Interesting. I would love an in-depth look at their relationship. (Again, I seriously need a life.)

"If she's out there flirting she needs some attention she's not getting, but not fair to her man. It may have only been the eyes this time, but what next time?" Mia

Such a good point. Does she feel like something is missing? Or is she just having fun? Although, knowing what I do about him, maybe something is missing from his relationship if (and I don't know for certain, but) he was interested in going beyond flirting.

"If her marriage was rock solid and she's "in love" with her "soul mate" then spending an evening flirting with another man is a no-no." This DVM's Wife's Life

But couldn't you also argue that if her marriage was rock solid then maybe a little flirting is nothing to worry about? Of course, I'm such a pathetic romantic that I read "in love with her soul mate" and instantly think of one of my beloved romance novels in which a husband and wife would be too busy flirting with each other to flirt with anyone else. Sigh. (I did mention I need to get a life, right?)

"If you're doing something that you wouldn't do with your husband there, it's not okay. There's no other way around it." Chelsea

Completely agree. I'd love to weasel my way into an event where they're both in attendance so I could see just how her behavior is affected. I'd throw another party except I can only justify that amount of tequila for very special occasions.

"Over time, a married relationship does lose that fun-flirt vibe, so I think it's okay to go along with it if you find yourself in that atmosphere. It's part of the social experience, in my world. Call me crazy, but at a party I occasionally get sick of in-depth discussions about health care reform or whatever." Alias Mother


"Old dating rules still apply - don't get your honey where you make your money." Deb Thaxton

Ha! If, God forbid, I ever found myself single again, I don't think I'd ever date a man I worked with. (This from a woman who met and fell in love with and married her boss.)

"That guy was so honorable. Instead of trying to make the most of her behavior and seeing how far he could run with it, he left after reminding her that she had a husband at home. And it sounds like she's an, ahem, attention whore. She might not have gone to bed with him, but she didn't see anything wrong with provoking him. That's so rude, imo." Anne Marie

And now that you know more about Mr. Honorable? I'm dying to know if you're opinion on the subject has changed at all with some new information.

Actually, I'm dying to know if any of your opinions or thoughts have changed and I hope you'll share if they have. Although I'll understand if you decide to completely ignore me for going on an on about two random people flirting with each other. I'll try to come up with something new and exciting for my next post. No promises on the "exciting" part.

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Oh, and don't forget. Winner announced Wednesday.


  1. Following your disclosure on this guy....I'm thinking pretty much along the same line as you with his "reminder". I think he could have been testing the water.

  2. He was definitely testing the water. She should have walked away. She clearly was enjoying the "tease." Inappropriate.I think this is a hard thing to discuss because everyone thinks of "flirting" differently. Especially married flirting. I know that when I say I engage in flirting, what I mean is light, joking conversation with a man that just has a different feel to it than it would if I were talking to a woman. I think others might mean hair-tossing, cleavage-showing flirting, which is a whole different ball game.Perhaps we should come up with a flirting scale, where 1 equals gentle joking and 10 equals climbing onto the flirtee's lap while batting eyelashes. Or something.

  3. I don't think it's commendable that he walked away when he realized she was truly only flirting and not interested in more. It sounds like that realization made him lose all interest in her, which makes me think that he was looking for more, which makes him scum in my book. Flirty banter is fun...but I agree with Chelsea - if you wouldn't do it with your spouse/SO there, you shouldn't do it at all.(Says the single girl who would KILL for a chance to flirt with ANYONE.)