I just got off the phone with the Husband after a conversation that went something like this:
Me: I'm bored. Give me something to write about.
Him: Write about eating too many caramel apples and now you don't get any Skittles for a week.
Me: That's rude. And dumb. It was only one and a third caramel apples, anyway. Give me something else.
Him: Why don't you write about how you're so addicted to candy that nothing else matters and that if you were offered a GOLD BAR or a lifetime supply of candy, you'd TAKE THE CANDY?
Me: (pause) Well, what's wrong with that?!
Him: Do you know how much a gold bar IS WORTH?
Me: Maybe I can sell some of the candy.
Him: A GOLD BAR. You'd take CANDY over a GOLD BAR.
Me: Okay, wait. How much is the gold bar worth? Maybe I could take the gold bar and use half to buy candy and half to buy, I don't know, a house or something. Then we both win!
Him: When it comes to you and candy, WE ALL LOSE.
Me: Maybe I should write about how prone to injuries you are.
Him: (pause) That's only when I play sports.
Seriously, Internet? You should see this man's poor knees. He plays softball and he likes to show what a big, tough man he is and how he can slide. I tell him all the time that there are much more productive things he can do while he's on his knees (LIKE SCRUB FLOORS), but if it doesn't cause bleeding, forget it.