Here to stay. Question mark.

I was crazy about The Sims when it first came out. I think I played, really played, for all of two weeks. Then I found the cheat for unlimited amounts of money and spent the rest of my time building and decorating houses. (Months and months later, I'd play For Real, but then it was all about getting my sim to "woohoo" with everyone she came into contact with. She was a total slut. Even after she got married and had kids, she was still humping everything in sight.) (Not sure what that says about me.) Now I wonder if blogging has become my present day Sims game. Because I've spent the whole of February (minus too many nights going out and holy shit, peeps, I am broke) playing with the appearance of this place. (And, as you can see, it looks worse than ever.) I spent one night writing a real, live post, but then I got all crazy about not publishing the damn thing until the ole blog was dressed in its Sunday best (I haven't been to church in too long to remember; I don't think that has anything to do with anything, but.) which is why it has not yet seen the light of day. My mom told me a couple weeks ago that if I had a life I'd stop focusing so much on inconsequential minutia. Then I thought, maybe I'm just done blogging. Maybe I've run my course. Maybe I don't have anything worth saying. (Did I ever?) Maybe no one wants to hear about the bars and late nights and "peewee" condom dispensers (for the little things in life) in the ladies room of said bars. (And I use the term "ladies" loosely.) But after much soul searching and enough Bud light to sink the Costa Concordia (not funny yet?), I've decided that I'm not done. I think I'm gonna stay a while. Also? I'm not a big fan of Bud light.

Five. Not a party you'd want to attend.

1. I'm feeling sorry for myself tonight. Couple weeks ago I went and did something, well... pretty fucking stupid. It was what prompted my "no more mistakes" resolution. Miraculously, I emerged practically unscathed! I was feeling all mature and grown up having come out with nary a scratch to show for my stumble and decided, what the hell! Let's take a risk and do it all over again! Let's make life REALLY INTERESTING! Turns out, you only get away with making some mistakes once. The second time? You get to pay for them. Life's funny that way.

2. Speaking of which... I was officially divorced as of December 30th. Oddly enough, there are no tangible differences that come with finally being divorced. However, you know that sensation you get when a common word suddenly loses all meaning? Yeah. That. Divorced. How strange. Ironically (or not), my new status has nothing at all to do with this evening's pity party. No, despite past fears and indecisiveness, I feel more strongly than ever that I made the right decision.

3. FYI, this divorce took nearly TWO YEARS. My attorney said if I had wanted things expedited, I should have thought about paying her. My mom can be a real smartass sometimes.

4. I read some books last year. 157 to be exact. BECAUSE I HAVE NO LIFE. I thought to display said books like I've done in years past, then I realized that doing so would probably require me to add some sort of "content warning" because just about EVERY SINGLE BOOK I READ was intended for a mature audience. Anyway, my point is this: reading 157 books was incredibly detrimental to my finances (because I purchased 98% of them) and I must be stopped. I need a good, swift kick in the ass. (For more reasons than one, apparently.)

5. Have you ever spent the better part of an hour writing something just to accidentally delete it? It's a horrible feeling. I should know because it happened to me just thirty minutes ago. And since I spent the last thirty- no, twenty-five minutes (I spent five minutes denying it had really happened) trying to remember all of the nonsense I had previously spewed (minus one first paragraph which I still had saved to my virtual clipboard) I now don't have the energy or interest in trying to remember what my #5 would have been. Let's all just pretend it was something totally clever and insightful and call it a night.

Something. I'm just not sure what.

I know what my problem is. I have no niche. My other problem? At 29, I still don't know how to say "niche." (Guess I should've added that to my list.) Is it neesh? Or nish? Or nitch? (No, really, I'd like to know 'cause it's totally one of those words I refrain from using so I don't look like a complete dumbass.) (Is "dumbass" one word or two? Shit.) So, I have no niche. I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I know I want to continue blogging (maybe even more regularly) (don't hold your breath) but about what? Everything I think of seems so... dull. Granted, the things I wrote about back in the day were dull, too. (Back in the day = pre-divorce.) But I was content back in the day. I'm not content now. I'm bored. Fuck, am I ever bored. I need a change. (In more ways than one, apparently.)