It's like I don't even know myself.

I've been thinking about Twilight a lot lately. Mostly because I put my big, huge Edward poster in my trunk to be taken to Goodwill. Yes, really. Except I'm kinda embarrassed to even take it to Goodwill and have to actually hand it over to a real, live human so it's just been sitting in my trunk for, like, three weeks. Maybe longer.

Anyway. Last night... or, technically, this morning... I stayed up reading. Until nearly six a.m.. I was reading Obsidian. When I started it a couple days ago (the first 30% was kinda slow hence "a couple days ago") (and, yes, I think in percentages) (thanks Kindle!) I very quickly saw similarities to Twilight. Except instead of vampires, aliens. Yes, aliens.

Edward is an alien and his name is really Daemon Black and he's super hot and also kind of an asshole but with the quick wit to actually pull it off (unlike in Twilight where he would brood a lot and mostly stay silent). I love Daemon. Oh, and Bella? I mean Katy? (Her name is Katy now.) She's BAD. ASS. She stands up for herself and tells Edward Daemon where he can go and makes interesting gestures (of the one-finger variety) when he's being a prick. And she blogs. About books. And did I mention I'm in love?

Despite my nocturnal reading frenzy, I did not finish the book until my sister woke me up just four short hours after finally succumbing to sleep. As soon as I was done, I went to download book two. Except I was quickly informed that book two HADN'T BEEN PUBLISHED YET and wouldn't be for another TWO MONTHS. (And did I mention I hate waiting?) I was all sorts of frustrated.

So then I went to Goodreads. 'Cause I add all my books to Goodreads. I love Goodreads. It's everything I used to love about book stores (remember those?) without having to get dressed and leave the house and, you know, talk to people. Unless you want to. I lose big chunks of time on Goodreads.

I pulled up Obsidian and added it to my "2012" shelf and did all the other things I do to keep obsessively meticulous records of my books (because I'm a freak) and then I stopped and just stared at the stars. 4 stars? 5 starts? I didn't know. I really liked Obsidian but did I think it was amazing? No. But in comparison to Twilight? I don't even know how to answer that! There were things about Obsidian that I liked more... but I love love loved Twilight. Didn't I?

Truth is I'm starting to forget what it is I loved about it. And who's to say I wouldn't like this new series better if all the books were already written and readily available? Is how a person feels about one book impacted by the whole of the series? When I joined Goodreads, I had already read the entire Twilight series. I added them and gave each 5 stars because HELLO?! IT'S TWILIGHT. But what if I had read the books after joining and had rated them one at a time as I finished? I can't help but wonder if my ratings for each book would be different today.

Peeps, you may be sitting there thinking to yourself that I've gone and gotten all panties-in-a-twist about something NOT AT ALL important, but to you I ask one question: have you underestimated my utter infatuation with all things Twilight? Do you need to go scroll through the archives to reacquaint yourself with the obsession? (Yes, I realize that was two questions.) This whole Obsidian vs. Twilight thing is keeping me up at night and making me question MY VERY EXISTENCE. No, not really, but it's close!

They left out the most important part.

So, this Breaking Dawn poster was released a few days ago:



You see what's wrong here, don't you?



The end.

Christmas day confession.

I. Want. These.

But here’s my big confession:

Not only do I already own each book (I mean, duh), but I own all four hard covers, all four paperbacks, all four e-books, and the special movie editions of Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse.

Stephenie Meyer? You're welcome.

Yes, I HAVE A PROBLEM. (We already knew that.)

Now I want these. These pretty, shiny new Twilight books. I have barely been able to restrain myself from ordering them this morning. It’d be so easy to irrationally justify a Christmas present for myself. Sigh.

I must be stopped.

Anyway... Merry Christmas, peeps.

Still crazy obsessed. In case you were worried.

Here's how it all started. My cell phone case broke. (Yes, because I dropped it. A couple of times.) I was looking... seriously looking... for a boring simple case that would suit my purposes and, somewhere along the way, I found myself on skinit.com. From there, things went downhill.

Oh, the possibilities! I swear, I was THIS CLOSE to skinning MY FACE with pictures of Edward. And when I realized I could make my own custom skin? I was afraid I'd never be the same again. I immediately googled "Edward Cullen" for images that I could turn into skins for my phone! my laptop! my bed! when I crossed paths with this beauty:

[There was an image here once upon a time. I think it was this one. But who knows.]

I have no idea how she did it. I'm not sure who "she" even is. But let me just say this: this kind of talent BLOWS. ME. AWAY. This is the kinda thing that makes me want to QUIT TRYING and crawl into a hole somewhere 'cause I will never be able to create anything like this.

(Not that I draw or paint or even know how to use Photoshop, but still...)

And, oh, how I wish I could 'cause then I'd be crawling into a hole for another reason entirely. I'd quit my job, never leave my parent's house and I'd draw pictures of Edward and me together forever. And it would be AWESOME.

{ alicexz, whoever you are, I am in love with you. It's not the same as what I feel for Edward, but it's pretty damn close. }

This image makes me all warm and tingly inside. And there just hasn't been enough of that this year.

Okay. I'm done. Carry on.

Mixed.

[Once upon a time, there was a video here. It was a Twilight movie clip. The one where Bella get's on the back of Jacob's bike. It's since gone missing, never to be found again...]

This clip aired on the MTV Movie Awards last Sunday. I was psyched and totally prepared to watch. I had plenty of candy (I always have plenty of candy), my computer, and a TV all to myself. Then The Husband called.

There's a whole post forming in my head about this (that may or may not actually see the light of day), but I went to see him, bound and determined to be back by ten AT THE LATEST. I set the Tivo to record and went on my way.

Naturally, I didn't get back until twelve-thirty. I was going to attempt to watch the show, but I was too tired and had to be up in just five hours, so... YouTube to the rescue.

However, I have mixed feelings about the clip. On one hand, it's pretty good. I mean, Edward is amazing. Jacob's not half bad. Bella... meh.

BUT IT DID NOT HAPPEN LIKE THIS IN THE BOOK. I know, I know... some things have to change. I get it. I do. I understand that not everything is going to happen in a movie exactly as it happened in the book.

BUT Bella would never ever have gotten on the back on that motorcycle had Edward been there, watching. She never intentionally hurt him. She hated hurting him.

God, I really do have a problem.

Anyway, I wasn't going to share the clip, especially when day after day passed and I figured everyone and their mother has already seen it if they were at all interested, but... it's what I do. And, eventually, I just couldn't resist. So, enjoy.

In other Twilight-related news, Breaking Dawn is being made into two movies (YAY!) but they're making us wait until November of 2011 for the first of the two (assholes).

Happy weekend!

Until I find my memory card reader.

So, remember when I flew to San Antonio? I took one or two hundred pictures. Of the pool, the lifeguards, my jelly beans. I was a little tipsy, so, sure, most of them were lame, but pictures were taken. And I was totally going to share them with you, but as soon as I went to upload them to my computer, I realized my memory card reader had sprouted legs and wandered off into the great unknown. And, naturally, my camera's USB cord is packed away in a tiny little storage unit that fits a surprising number of boxes, none of which I felt the need to label so I have no idea what's in any of them. I'm likely to open eighteen boxes of books before I find what I'm looking for. So, until I find one or the other, you'll just have to be patient.

Par for the course.

Is it silly for me to continue to get my hopes up that the acting will somehow improve with each movie? Well, at least my disappointment doesn't detract from my enjoyment.

Who needs Oprah when you have YouTube?

They "say" this is the last trailer... so, enjoy.

If you've read the books, what scene are you most looking forward to?

And, if you haven't read the books... WHY THE HELL NOT?!

Just ten more weeks.

This poster came out, like, forever ago. Like, I'm embarrassed to admit just how long ago. But what can I say? I've had other things on my mind.

I wish I could say I loved it, but sadly... I don't. They look fake. (Or is it just me?)

Comparisons, anyone?



I personally hated the color tones of Twilight, so I'm a bit concerned that it appears they've reverted to the same in Eclipse. But don't fret. I'm still optimistic. Enough for all of us.

A letter to Summit Entertainment, LLC.

Dear Summit,

I'm a big fan. Huge, actually.

I won't lie to you. In the beginning, you had me worried. Twilight was an abomination and I couldn't help but wonder if the monkey you so obviously hired to write the screenplay had even read the book.

But you more than made up for said blunder and proved yourself worthy with New Moon. Job very well done, my friend. And you're welcome. Those exorbitant ticket prices add up, especially when you've seen the movie as many times as I have.

Remember Me looks wonderful and I'm very much looking forward to it. I admit I've gone a bit gaga over Mr. Pattinson since it became clear that he does, in fact, know how to operate a comb. (And I forgive his Wolfman-esq appearance on the Hope for Haiti telethon since it was for a very, very good cause.)

Even more than Remember Me, I'm pee-my-pants excited for Eclipse. June 30th is quickly approaching and it's like a beacon in the distance, calling me home. You have no idea what I'd give for even the briefest glimpse of a trailer. Or for... oh, I don't know... a poster maybe?

You see, this poster has been floating around the internet for a while now:



I've been trying to convince myself that it was just a tease. Something someone put together to pacify us Twi-hards. (Or "Twi-retards" according to the bitch I work with. I'm not offended. I understand she's just feeling left out since she was never invited to join a certain book club. But she doesn't read. And she really is a bitch.)

But I digress. You see, today, while at the theater, I saw said poster hanging in a hallway, looking very... official.

Summit, please. Tell me something else is in the works. Tell me some big, beautiful poster of Edward is coming out soon. Edward, Bella... even Jacob! (But preferably Edward.)

Summit, I trust you. I have faith in you. I certainly don't want to have to resort to violence, that's for sure.

But I will. Oh, yes, I will. Gladly. Especially, if you don't get your act together, get rid of that piss-poor excuse for a poster, and give me some Edward, damn it.

I thank you for your hasty response in rectifying this matter.

Your friend and hopefully-not-enemy (if you catch my drift),
Stephanie

A real post coming soon. And by “real” I mean not Twilight-related.

(September 12, 2010 update: So, this video's been removed due to copyright blah blah blah. But you can go here to browse New Moon clips if you're so inclined.)

I fear I may be reaching the threshold of "enough's enough" and will eventually be abandoned, but just pondering the idea of not posting this video seemed like pure sacrilege. So, here it is. Commercial, poor audio, and all.

Eventually this will have to stop. But not tonight.

It came while I was in the kitchen making Double Chocolate Mousse.

It came while I was wondering if the peaks of my egg whites were "stiff, but not dry."

It came while I was totally unprepared.

The commercial. THE. COMMERCIAL.


{Good God, I've waited a long time for you.}

The Husband, while in the den watching (what else?) sports, called to me.

Him: Honey?
Me: Mmmm... (licking spoon)... what?
Him: I think you might want to come see this.
Me: (a pause, frozen mid-lick) What is it?
Him: It's... The Commercial.
Me: (another pause, heart stops) Are you freaking kidding me?!

I didn't wait for a response. I bounded over the kitchen counter, cartwheeled down the stairs and nearly gave the cats heart failure as I sprinted into the den where my saintly husband had rewound (is it technically considered "rewinding" on a DVR?) to the start of The Commercial.

Then I may have squealed, but it was totally sweet and song-like. As was my "Oh, my God. Oh. My. God. OH, MY GOD!" as he pressed play.

I may have jumped up and down once or twice or three hundred times.

I may have pressed my hands to my heart and smacked The Husband in the arm repeatedly while I watched.

When it was over, thirty incredibly short seconds later, I turned to The Husband.

Me: Give me the remote.
Him: Why?
Me: So I can record it!
Him: (holding the remote out of reach) No. That's stupid. You'll see it again.
Me: Honey. I'm not kidding. Give me. The remote. Now.
Him: Steph, seriously--

And that's when I tackled him. Sweating and panting for breath, I came up the victor and hit the button to record. It meant I had to record the entire Angels game, but some things are worth searching for through three hours of sports. Then it occurred to me. YouTube. Thank God for YouTube. Clearly He created it just for me. Just for this moment. Just so I could watch The Commercial over and over and over again.

So, apparently, I'm blessed.

(And clearly psychotic. It's okay. I've accepted it.)

68 days should go by pretty fast. RIGHT?!

This extended trailer aired on the MTV VMAs. And I almost cried. And then I got the incredible urge to REREAD THE BOOKS. So, I asked The Husband to please take them and hide them. Because the last time I reread them? I started to feel like this. And, even though I know that one has nothing to do with the other, I can't help it. I'm afraid.

Something else to watch over and over and over again.

Just couldn't resist. But then... we knew that, right?

The one that’ll make me laugh and roll my eyes in a few years. (I hope.)

I sat down tonight to finally get caught up on my reading. And by "reading," I, of course, mean my favorite blogs. Blogs that have gone sadly neglected in my Reader. My poor Reader. It's bulging at the seams.

Except, after staring at my computer screen for several minutes, sidetracked, I realized that there was a different type of reading that was keeping me preoccupied.

So, this post, despite the response I'm certain to get, has to be written. I need to remember this, need to remember these feelings. And I have no idea where any of my partially-used-and-forgotten diaries are. (Like I'd use them if I did.)

Here goes (she said with a sigh).

Last week, a coworker started reading Twilight. (I can hear you groaning, don't think I can't.) I was, naturally, excited for her. I'm clearly an obsessed fan and wish the whole world would read and fall in love with the stories and characters as I have.

When she asked me to reread along with her, I shrugged and thought why the hell not? It didn't matter that I was already in the middle of a novel that I was finding more and more interesting. I could finish it later. And it didn't matter that I was sleep deprived and still adjusting to a new schedule. Who needs sleep? It was one book, one I've read before. It would be easy. And, since I already knew the story, I could quickly skim parts here and there. I'd just refresh my memory.

She asked on Thursday. On Saturday, I was still debating reading it at all. As I laid down to nap (God, I needed a nap), I glanced over at the books sitting on my dresser, just a few feet away. And suddenly the thought of browsing through Twilight was irresistible. I’d spend a few minutes relaxing with a few of my favorite chapters.

It didn’t go quite as planned.

I was completely sucked in. Just as much as, if not more than, the first time. I couldn’t put it down. I reread the entire book, page by page, over the next two days. I brought it to work to read on my lunch breaks. I stayed up late when I should have been sleeping because JUST A FEW MORE PAGES.

And when it ended, I immediately began rereading New Moon. This one I knew I would get through quickly. Surely I wouldn’t be interested in reading every little detail of the one book in the entire series that was missing it's greatest character.

And page by heart-wrenching page, I read. I was utterly captivated by the turmoil and the heartache, the love and romance.

I finished New Moon earlier today, but I forced myself to come up for air before I'd allow myself to begin Eclipse. I spent time with my sister. We made brownies. I hugged and kissed my husband when he arrived home from work.

And, throughout it all, my thoughts were elsewhere. I can't sufficiently explain the emotional pull these books have on me. All I can say is it's there. The thought of the series ending causes an ache in my chest. And I've already read it! It's completely irrational, but true nonetheless.

What's ironic (at least to me) is that I'd be the first person to say that the writing isn't great. The characters? Flawed. The storyline? Completely unrealistic. And don't get me started on that abomination they call a movie.

I'm IN LOVE with it all. The characters, the love story... I've been ruined for life. I would never have thought that it could get better, but I've been surprised to find that I'm even more involved the second time around. Maybe because I know what to expect and I'm able to focus more on the emotion than on trying to follow the storyline. Or maybe I'm just nuts. Maybe someone should come by and take these books away from me before my husband has me committed.

He should definitely have me committed.

As someone who loves to read, who loves to be pulled into a great story with characters that are wonderful and lovable, it's fantastic. I couldn't ask for more. However, there's a part of me that wonders if getting quite so emotionally attached to fictional characters (Vampires?? Seriously?!) is healthy.

Maybe I would have been less affected if it had ended with just one book. But would I have enjoyed Twilight on it's own? There's a Costco sticker still stuck to the top right corner of my copy of Twilight that provides the price and category of the book. "Juvenile," it says. And it is. It's clearly written for a younger crowd and there are parts where I frown and wish I could have had a hand in editing. It doesn't prevent me from becoming completely engrossed in this seemingly ill-fated love story.

And then, in New Moon, the one I assumed I'd like the least, my emotions are taken for a ride that leaves me staggering. It's heartbreaking.

As I contemplate reading the next and last two books of the series (again, for a second time), I’m both excited and weary. I want to dive head first back into the lives and relationship of these two characters I love and yet, at the same time, I’m not sure if my emotions can handle it.

I hesitate to say these books have changed my life… mostly because I know you’re all, at any moment, going to start backing slowly away, never to be heard from again... but also because there’s no tangible evidence of such a statement. These books haven’t put me on a different path, they haven’t changed my dreams or goals, they haven’t changed any behaviors. It’s just a feeling I have. A feeling that I’ll never be quite the same person again.

Although, I don't think I was ever quite the same person after I read my first romance novel when I was fourteen-years-old after stealing Johanna Lindsey's The Magic of You from my older sister.

(On a side note, may I just add that I've never been so tempted to close comments as I was while writing this post. So, just this one time... if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.)