Tuesday, April 28, 2009

UPDATED: What would you do?

Let's say you've started a blog and, several months in, realize that some of the things you've chosen to write about aren't particularly appropriate to share with family, but too late 'cause they've been reading this entire time?

It was suggested that I not share the private details of our marriage with my family, as it might be difficult for them to forgive and forget. And, even though The Husband has assured me that he hasn't had a problem with anything I've written, I have to agree with The Shrink.

So, now what? Should I censor myself? Ask them to stop reading? Change site locations? Ignore the suggestion?

Help.


Updated to add: The reason I ask is because there is brand-spankin' new stuff I want to write and rage about, but I don't want to keep adding fuel to the fire, so to speak.

17 comments:

  1. Well crap. That sucks! I can tell you this, I SOOOOOOO wish that I hadn't told my family about my blog.Mostly because I want to bitch about half of them. HA! Now I just have to keep it all bottled up, or vent to my husband, which then is kind of the reverse of what you've got going on... don't want him being all 'judgy' about the crazy fam! Aaah well.... screw 'em all. Just write whatever you want! That's what I think!

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  2. I'm assuming that the family has been reading all along, right? So if they were going to read it, they already have and the "damage" is done. If you're afraid of others of your family coming and reading posts that are in question, you could always delete the old posts.Should you censor yourself? Hm. I do. I don't know if any of my family (or more importantly, and more likely to get insulted, his family) reads my blog, so I vent elsewhere. Like in the comment sections of other people's blogs.

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  3. I have not told my parents about my blog because I don't want to consider their reaction when I write. And I don't want to hesitate when I need a nice profanity. My sisters know about it but I don't think they read it.I have always shared too much about my relationships with my family, I guess that's just how I am. There were times when I regretted it and I have worried about the forgiving and forgetting on their part, too. I've decided that since I can't take anything back they will just have to accept my decisions, hopefully gracefully and with love. If they can't/won't, that's tough for them - this is MY life.(Yeah, she says it all tough-like now...wait until the chips are really down...)

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  4. Definitely don't censor yourself. If you're gonna worry about how each post will affect each and every member of your family on multiple levels you'll just make yourself crazy.If it's something you can talk about honestly, it's something you can post.

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  5. If they are your family then they should be supportive and if YOU forgive/forget then they should too...without a moments hesitation. But families suck sometimes and can get all overprotective, bossy and opinionated and then they know what is best for you even if you have other ideas... Do what feels right for you. If this is your outlet then go for it. Especially when The Husband isn't bothered by anything you have said. Don't change anything for them. If someone doesn't like it...then tell them to not read it.

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  6. If your husband's cool with it, I don't see why drive yourself crazy with every little thing you write. Maybe don't give too many specifics when it comes to rants and raves, just to be on the safe side? But by all means, if this is your outlet, don't bottle it up.I think the general rule goes for all readers, including family: If you don't like it, go find something else to read.

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  7. I'm going with the 'if the husband doesn't have a problem with it' you should write what you want. I don't censor myself on my blog and I'm sure I've offended people because they've written in my comments section that I'm too negative and blah blah blah. That's why I moderate my comments. You write your blog the way you do for a reason, if that reason is what you are it would suck to have to censor yourself. This is your own piece of the internet, don't let that go. Own it.

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  8. About the update? It better just be a teaser and not a tease! ;)

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  9. This is a tough one. My first thought is to go with some of the other commenters that said if The Husband is okay with it, you should write it. But if you think that family might not forgive and forget, that could be a problem for you. You could always tell them if they're going to read, they need to keep their thoughts and opinions to themselves. (If you think they would do that!)

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  10. 2 options:write what you want because your husband is okay with itget a new blog and only tell people who are not your family about it- or password protect posts (not sure if you can do that here) and give the pw to whom you want

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  11. Am I reading this right, The Shrink thinks you should censor yourself? I'm corn-fused.I'm too worried about what other people think to give you an objective opinion on this. I think you have to listen to your heart and remember what your end goal is.....what will best serve your marriage (assuming you are out to save it)?

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  12. I am not a sharer. No one besides my husband knows about my blog, but even if they did, it would be fine. I've tried hard to never write anything about someone that I wouldn't want to read about myself. But I would still be uncomfortable, because I would never talk about some of the stuff I write about. I'm just really private about my emotions.What does this have to do with you? I guess, when asked, I encourage privacy online simply because you never know what's gonna come back to haunt you. But, as I've already stated, I really err on the side of holding back. If you feel more open, then don't censor. You have to determine what your comfort level is, both with the info being out now and out in the open.I'm rambling. Options:1) Don't write.2) Write, but ask your family not to read.3) Write, but password protect the post.4) Vent in an e-mail to close personal internet stranger (hmmmm...who could that be?)

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  13. Personally, I think your shrink is an idiot who doesn't know your family. YOUR family is here to support you no matter what you decide. You should always be able to have someone to come to when you need to talk, especially family. We promise not to judge either one of you unless you tell us to. ;)You know, when we were kids mom used to tell us "be nice to each other because when you grow up, all the friends you have now will no longer be around, but you will still have each other." I find this even more true now than ever. I have no one to talk to anymore. Since I started working I don't have time for social outings with friends and mostly, they don't really understand my life anymore. But, I know (that if you answer your phone) you are there and mom is there.If you do want us to stop reading, just say the word. It would be hard, especially since this is how I get my updates about you, but I would be more than willing to do it.

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  14. I agree with what Teeter wrote. If you want us to stop reading, I would promise to stop reading and you wouldn't need to hide your blog. However, I love your blog and the things you write about and I would miss reading you.On the part about writing about your husband, the way I see it, you are just writing about stuff that is going on. I have absolutely nothing against your husband. If you are trying to work things out but want to bitch here and there, it isn't going to make me want to go buy a gun and hunt your hubby down. I hope you and your hubby work things out. I would prefer you guys to get past whatever mistakes that have been made and stay together forever and ever. And even if you and he didn't stay together, well, that's the breaks and I would miss him, but I still wouldn't judge him.However, if your hubby is saying he doesn't want to be around us because of what we have read, then maybe we should not read any more? I wouldn't want him to feel uncomfortable around us.But also, keep in mind, I don't remember anything. Once read, I've moved on and if you said, "Do you remember when I wrote..." I would have to say no. I have seen a lot worse stuff in family law, anyways. Not everything your counselor says necessarily holds true for everyone. In your family, i.e. the wonderful family in which you were raised by your wonderful mother, you were all raised not to be judgmental. I couldn't image anyone judging your hubby or not liking him any more based on the horrible, vile deeds he has committed. (J/K)And we have a Thanksgiving trip coming up and as far as I'm concerned, I'm looking forward to another really fun time with all of you, secondarily to seeing how much alcohol we can plow down. The last thing I'm going to be thinking about is what you have written on your blog. And btw, you make it difficult to dislike your hubby when you write so amusingly about how much he pisses you off. :)

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  15. You could do pass word protected posts. I have neve done one and am not sure how they work. It is a thought.

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  16. Password protected posts are an option, but it's hard to get the lurkers and the like to join in.I personally think, you know, family can forgive if you can, but you cannot ever expect them to forget. Whether they agree with your choices or not is irrelevant; they are not part of your relationship. But in my experience, even though I am capable of forgiving behaviors in other relationships that I might not forgive in my own, I always remember about it.That said, once the damage is done, the damage is done, right? I mean, you can't just extract it from their brains.

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  17. Blog under a pseudonym. :-)I don't mind sharing my entire life with the whole world. Heck, I've discussed my sex life under my own name in various internet fora...I'm cool with people knowing the things I write about (and, obviously, anything I don't want to share, I don't write about). In 2006 I started a blog, which quickly turned into The Cancer Blog, journaling every step of my daughter's battle with brain cancer. The entire family plus a whole bunch of people who knew me when I was in diapers plus family of my ex (the daughter's father) and his wife's family and, oh, just LOTS of people I otherwise have nothing to do with, started reading.Then she died, and my blog went back to being my blog....but all those folks kept reading. This is when I realized that I don't care what strangers and friends know about me, but I really don't want to share all that with my family, old family friends, and my ex's entourage. Not because I'm embarrassed by it, but because *they don't deserve such an intimate relationship with me*. Know what I mean?So I started blogging under a pseudonym, to avoid having these people Google me and find my new blog. I'm totally open with everyone else about my dual identity (as it comes up), but hoping it preserves my distance from people I don't want close to me. And, eventually, when I become the next JK Rowling (grain of salt goes here), it'll help me preserve some privacy.

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