Bandit

This is Bandido Beastial Cure. A.K.A. Bandit.

I spent a night hanging out with him a few weeks back while my BFF, his owner, was out of town. We watched an intense marathon of Extreme Couponing and bonded. He is one of the sweetest dogs ever. And I know what you're thinking. I say that about all the dogs that have made an appearance on this blog. I can't help it if it's true.



Bandit weighs about 65 pounds. Sometimes, especially when he's trying to sit in my lap, I wonder if he thinks he weighs less. But what do I care? I immediately snuggle up on him and start in with the pathetic "who's the sweetest puppy ever?" talk. It's not pretty when this happens, but it can't be helped.

Kinda like I can't help but shake my butt back and forth every time I greet a happy dog (read: everyday when I get home). Hey. They started it.



It's the ears. They get me every time.

Five. Blame the book blog.

1. You know how sometimes I'll disappear for a few weeks and when I come back there's a totally new appearance to this place? (I don't really expect you to know what I'm talking about, but trust me on this one.) My friend Zuyen (a.k.a. "Z") and I have been putting all of our efforts towards the new blog and that's where I've been. Of course, "all of our efforts" is a bit misleading. More like, some of our effort has been put towards the new blog when we can find the time to get together and talk about it.

2. Starting a blog with someone is tricky. Before Stephanie Harsh (and The Vamp Tramp and Chocolate and Whine) I started a blog with my two sisters and our mother. All I can say is, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Unfortunately, I'm a bit of a, um, how should I say it...? Control freak. (I hide it pretty good though, right?) I had high hopes for that blog of ours... but then they started using smiley faces (oh, the horror!) in their blog posts which totally gave me hives and, eventually, I couldn't take it. I don't know what makes me think I can suddenly give up the control it takes to start a new blog with Z, but I told her about my aversion to smiley faces and abbreviations like "LOL," so I'm crossing my fingers.

3. So, remember that whole I'm-getting-fatter-everyday-and-I-need-to-lose-weight thing I was telling you about? Yeah. Not going so well. My motivation comes and goes. I wish it came more often. Also, I wish I knew the triggers. My birthday is coming up and, for fuck’s sake, I'd like to look good. Or, at least better. Thinking about that has kept my unhealthy snacking habit to an all-time low. That and an e-mail I received from a friend who lectured me about not covering up. Which is totally what I was doing. (Sweatshirts. I admit it.) So, I went and bought a couple of new tops, sleeveless ones (despite the problematic underarm jiggly bits) and new earrings (I love earrings) and it’s amazing how getting all dolled up can totally change your way of thinking.

4. Speaking of books. Books are still taking up way too much of my time. Which might prove to be both good and bad for the new blog. On the one hand, lots of books means a lot to talk about. On the other hand, I worry that I won’t stop reading long enough to write anything. Quite the conundrum, that. Which is really not a conundrum at all. Life is good, peeps. Sometimes I’m surprised at just how much.

5. I know, I know… no one wants to hear about other people’s dreams. But get this. The other night I had a dream that my husband and I got back together. And in my dream I totally freaked out. I was all what have I done and this is a huge mistake. And then I went to church and bought this gigantic bible. Like, it was so big I could barely carry it. And I had to lug it up this hill that was so steep I had to pull myself along with a rope or risk falling to my death. Like, I was freaking climbing! And carrying this ginormous bible! Then I woke up. And in those first few minutes between dream and reality, I kept thinking I do not want to get back together. There's still a lot of guilt, and there’s a part of me that hates myself for admitting that I don’t want to be married to my husband (that seems so awful)… but more and more I realize the rightness of the decision.

Not sure exactly what the huge bible had to do with anything, but I felt the dream lacked a bit of excitement if I left that part out. You’re welcome.

Where nobody knows your name and you don't really want to be there.

So, there's this bar. It's close to work and therefore a convenient suggestion when the inevitable "wanna grab a drink?" comes up as our shift ends. And it's horrible. Maybe it wouldn't be if they didn't allow people to smoke inside (yes, actually, that is illegal), but they do and there's a constant haze of smoke that instantly surrounds you and clings to your clothes and hair. It's grody.

I don't know why we like the place so much. Except that the booze is cheap, the place is usually empty and the bartender, who calls everyone "bud," remembers my preference for Kettle One and always puts quarters in the jukebox so I get to play as much terrible music as I can stand.

Of course, waking up in the morning with a throat that's raw and hair reeking of cigarettes, I wonder why we continue to go. Especially since NONE OF US SMOKE.

And everyone in the bar DOES.

And did I mention IT'S ILLEGAL?

But apparently the bartender and the doorman have this sweet little song and dance routine worked out so that the ashtrays and smokers miraculously vanish when necessary. I still haven't figured out when exactly it's "necessary." Is there a cop cruising by? A security guard patrolling the area? A neighbor making a late-night Pop Tart run to the next door 7-Eleven who likes to snitch? Whatever the case, this bar manages to get away with it.

(I’m not the only one who makes late night Pop Tart runs, am I?)

(I swear I haven’t done it recently. At least not in the last few days.)

(Also, I’m hungry.)

Anyway, despite all of its obvious flaws (of which there are many), I like it. I like the people who drag me off to this godforsaken place. I like the laughs. And it makes me happy.

It also sometimes makes me sick to my stomach, but, you know, mostly happy.

They left out the most important part.

So, this Breaking Dawn poster was released a few days ago:



You see what's wrong here, don't you?



The end.