1. Lighter and candles
2. Flashlight and extra batteries
3. The home phone and my cell phone
4. A knife
5. I’m not even kidding
6. ‘Cause if I’m going down, I’m taking someone down with me
7. Or, at least causing enough damage that they’re caught
Two. The decision to leave the bedroom door open or closed before you go to bed alone takes exactly twelve minutes.
Three. The decision to leave the bedroom door open is the wrong one, especially when you have a cat that meows repeatedly in the middle of the night for no reason at all except to HEAR HIS OWN VOICE. You’ll still get up to check the apartment every time he cries. Because what if?
Four. Getting from Orange County to Palm Springs and back again WITHOUT HITTING TRAFFIC will make you feel like a rock star.
Five. Surprising your husband and watching him play in a softball tournament while sitting in 105-degree heat will leave you feeling hot and sticky and uncomfortable and totally deserving of the Wife of the Year award.
Six. Gatorade is not that good. Unless it’s 105 degrees.
Seven. You can make a killing selling ice cream to people watching a softball tournament in 105 degrees.
Eight. 105 degrees.
Nine. Asking your sister to spend the night with you will seem like a good idea until a. you stay up too late watching scary movies and b. spend the few hours you have to sleep waking up to said sister grinding her teeth all night.
Ten. The sound of someone grinding their teeth in their sleep is a lot louder than you’d expect.