Monday, September 21, 2009

A few things I learned this weekend.

One. I scare easily and I’m incredibly paranoid, which I already knew. However, when the two combine, I find it nearly impossible to get into bed by myself without the following items within easy reach:
1. Lighter and candles
2. Flashlight and extra batteries
3. The home phone and my cell phone
4. A knife
5. I’m not even kidding
6. ‘Cause if I’m going down, I’m taking someone down with me
7. Or, at least causing enough damage that they’re caught
8. Bastards

Two. The decision to leave the bedroom door open or closed before you go to bed alone takes exactly twelve minutes.

Three. The decision to leave the bedroom door open is the wrong one, especially when you have a cat that meows repeatedly in the middle of the night for no reason at all except to HEAR HIS OWN VOICE. You’ll still get up to check the apartment every time he cries. Because what if?

Four. Getting from Orange County to Palm Springs and back again WITHOUT HITTING TRAFFIC will make you feel like a rock star.

Five. Surprising your husband and watching him play in a softball tournament while sitting in 105-degree heat will leave you feeling hot and sticky and uncomfortable and totally deserving of the Wife of the Year award.

Six. Gatorade is not that good. Unless it’s 105 degrees.

Seven. You can make a killing selling ice cream to people watching a softball tournament in 105 degrees.

Eight. 105 degrees.

Nine. Asking your sister to spend the night with you will seem like a good idea until a. you stay up too late watching scary movies and b. spend the few hours you have to sleep waking up to said sister grinding her teeth all night.

Ten. The sound of someone grinding their teeth in their sleep is a lot louder than you’d expect.

The end.


  1. Wow, I needed a laugh this morning! I have a cat such as yours except mine is 19 years old and we call her "Deaf Cat Talking"........I hate Gatorade too, 105 degrees and all. Ice cream is a much better choice.

  2. Ten: SO TRUE!Also, eight: I'm crying for you on the inside. It hit 105F here during the heatwave a couple weeks ago and I thought I'd die. We don't have a/c so it was 105F outside and 95F inside.

  3. All I have to say is that it was 35degrees here yesterday morning. And J should probably get some sort of mouth gaurd :( -L

  4. I agree. Wife of the Year. 105 is brutal.

  5. Night guard, I don't know anyone who doesn't have one. I can't sleep without mine. Oh and we don't bother with knives and flash lights. I figure the flash from the bullet leaving the gun will do just fine. Castle Law, gotta love it! You get in my house without my express permission and your ass is toast.

  6. Cute!! Glad I found you. Going to add you to my blog list. CheersHolli in Ghana

  7. Cold beer is MUCH better at 105 degrees. So is a surprised husband and teeth grinding sister, I'm guessin'.

  8. Oh, Stephanie, this is so funny! Yipes, 105 degrees at a softball game can't be fun! My mom used to grind her teeth. When I was a kid, I could hear it from my bedroom. That sound is so annoying!

  9. Don't you love it when there's no traffic?! - you are a rock star!!!!

  10. Great list! Being awaken by teeth grinding from another room in an otherwise quiet house is a hair raising experience too! :)

  11. Wait, it only takes you twelve minutes? That's not bad. And your list is good? P.S. How many times do you get out of bed to (once again) make sure the door is locked?

  12. You're freaking glad I stumbled across your Chocolate Mousse on foodgawker...:)