There is a possibility that during the last few months I’ve become overly sensitive to The Husband’s behavior. (Shocking, I know.) I don’t think I watch his every move like a hawk, but it’s certainly possible. I wouldn’t put it past me. I am quite neurotic these days. And I expected to be paranoid, but I must say it’s really starting to annoy me. And The Husband? Totally. not. helping. For example…
This morning, as I stumbled my way back to bed after snoozing my alarm, I noticed him coming out of my closet. We each have our own. He keeps a couple of his things in mine; a small toolbox, some old pairs of shoes… but certainly not anything he’d need at seven a.m. on a Saturday.
Although, had he come out with some tools, I suppose I would have left well enough alone considering he has plans to work on my car today. (My poor car made the most pathetic sound two nights ago when I tried to start it. This was awful not just because I absolutely love my car, but I was leaving to get frozen yogurt. Sigh.)
But The Husband didn’t come out carrying tools. Or anything else for that matter. No, he just got right back into bed. So, what the fuck was he doing?
And I know what you’re thinking. Stephanie, what could he possibly have been doing wrong in a closet? Come on, get a grip! Relax!
But, I can’t help it. Especially when he responds to my inquiry with “no reason.” That’s it. Just two words. Two measly little words that explain zilch.
Well, people don’t wander in and out of closets for no reason! There had to be a reason. And he won’t share it with me. This can only lead me to believe that he’s hiding something from me. Again.
So, here we go. Again.
I’m paranoid and suspicious. I’m sitting here obsessing over what he could have possibly been doing in my closet. And all these horrible feelings? The insecurities and what-ifs? They’re bringing back all the feelings that I experienced after finding inappropriate text messages and pictures and realizing that he was involved, hoping to become more involved, with another woman.
Which then leads me to wonder: does this ever get easier? Or will I really go on feeling like this FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?
Maybe? Sweetie every person is different. It may be that you let it go in the next few months. It may be that you never let it go. It may be that you don't want to let it go. What you have to do is answer this, DO you want to keep living lie this? Is there something else you can do to make it better? Can you tolerate living like this? We can all give you opinions on what we'd do but really, they don't mean much.
ReplyDeleteWhen trust is taken away it's hard to regain, but not impossible. Words mean nothing, actions mean everything. It’s what he does, not what he says, that really counts.All you can do is take one day at a time. But it's highly unlikely that he is hiding something in your closet. Maybe he wants to surprise you with something nice and is trying to keep it a secret.
ReplyDeleteMy answer is I don't know the answer. I think what dutch donut girl said is true. It's not likely that he would hide something in your closet. But, I do think that because he broke your trust, he should always explain himself. But he is a man, and in my experience they don't ever feel the need to explain themselves.
ReplyDeleteThe closet thing doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that he considers "no reason" an acceptable response to someone whose trust he's broken, and whose trust he supposedly wants to regain.
ReplyDeleteMichelle, I know I want to keep trying. Things have been really good lately. (Although, there's that voice in my head that keeps reminding me I've thought that before and then the floor fell out from beneath me.) When things are good between us, they're really good. I want to give that a chance to thrive. Dutch Donut Girl, a friend of mine suggested the same thing. Is that like some sort of reverse psychology thing? Hide a present right in front of their face and they'll never suspect a thing? (Note to self: search closet for hidden gifts.) Gayle and Jen, that's exactly what I'm saying! I didn't expect he was doing anything wrong or trying to hide something from me... Well, not much, anyway. It was more aggravating that when I asked him, that was his response. I think, in his mind, he thinks he's helping the situation by saying "it's nothing" because it really was nothing, but he doesn't realize that by not explaining himself thoroughly he's just leaving me to wonder what the heck is going on.
ReplyDeleteI think it gets easier when you decide that you need to start trusting. You may not be there yet, but at some point you will reach the fork in the road when you will need to make the conscious choice to either start trusting him again or decide that he is completely untrustworthy. If you take the first path, then when faced with situations like this you will need to tell yourself, "I am trusting him." And then do it. If you take the second, you need to decide if you can live with it.But you may not be at that point yet.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could say, honey, when you say 'no reason' to what otherwise is a very simple question, it automatically casts doubt onto you. As we work through this, you'll need to be extra open with me. For my part I will try to be more trusting (but when I do need reassurance you need to say more than 'no reason').Do you read ravings of a mad housewife?http://ravingsofamadhousewife.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteMaybe he was preparing for the gift buying and was doing some research in YOUR closet...in which case...I will pledge to hate you because your husband GETS IT. BUT he is a man so I guess I won't hold my breathe. :)
ReplyDeleteI sorta disagree with aliasmother about "deciding" to trust him. Yes, you have to do that...but he also has to exhibit trustworthy behavior that reinforces your decision and your trust. And at this point, he has to exhibit that behavior ALL the time."No reason" is, IMO, completely unacceptable as a response. I, being a wee bit pushy in the relationship arena, would have to press for a real answer.
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